Don't tell anyone... but I'm still alive

Its true that time “fly’s”. the whole having fun part is optional, and they forgot to mention that...
So its true. did you know that eric is still alive? I haven’t blogged in almost 5 months!!! I’ve never been so bad. I’m afraid that life has been very busy. I guess the degree to which you want to be busy is often how busy you will be. It seemed like summer would be less chaotic. Suppose it was. Not really sure.
Seems like these past few months were marked with a desire to understand life. Now that’s vague. how about that? No but really, trying to understand where God would want me over the next few years. There has been a good deal of thought on what exactly God had me at Biola for. What he has me in so cal for. What he has me still in school for. What my job is doing right now. What I need to be doing. Lots of that. I might add a small commentary to the whole book of life that is being summarized: trust God for the big things in life too.

Getting hungry
I’m getting fat. no not literally. but just lazy in life. or I was. I’m fighting it. I realize that over the past year or so.. I haven’t read much. and its causing my desire to grow, and my hunger for maturity in christ to struggle. its been good over the past few months to dig into a few good books, and even finish off a few from ... gosh last year. For some reason life just seems ‘better’ with some challenging books.

So hungry,

So thirsty for

that which satisfies.

This world’s full of broken cisterns

that have left me dry.

There’s only one place where

I’m to find what you made me for.

There’s only one true fountain

that satisfies my soul.

Only you

you’re the fountain of living water

Only you satisfy my soul

You’re the source of eternal pleasure

Only you satisfy my soul

-Zach jones

Greek, oh how I love you
Well guess what, I passed first year greek! Ya! with A’s too. w00t. I nearly didn’t make it. but God was gracious. I also might add I really began to appreciate hebrew and its awesomeness, over greek. call me crazy. I can tell you that even as I’m typing this, I need to sit down and review my notecards..... man another 3 or 4 semesters to look forward to. ya!
Oh and fun thing, the greek prof e-mailed the class and reminded us that we will be having a cumulative test on Sept 8th. Oh please come back Lord before then.... please. I’m not read for that test. yikes! I just went over my notecards earlier today. talk about terrible. and then the paradigms. oh dear. oh dear.
study time.

Cubicle portability act
I never realized until last week how many nuts, bolts, screws, tabs and panels there are in cubicles. wow. there full of all sorts of parts! i was shocked. I got the ‘opportunity’ to move desks, and also got the ‘opportunity’ to move my own. note to self, do not move cubicles, its harder than it looks. and seriously whoever invented cubicles should be shot. what a terrible invention. I mean I get the point that they’re better than an open bullpen of desks, but really... cubicles? oiye.

Stupid materialism and all its fun problems
So I’ll make the confession. I bought the iPhone 3GS. yikes. expensive phone, and now my wireless bill is way higher. was it worth it? what a dangerous and scary question. Probably not, but I’m a fool for apple products. Speaking of apple products. Oh I bought a macbook pro 13“. you know that one with the crazy 7 hour battery. I justified it by selling my old black 13” to my parents. Huzzaah. Either way, neato little lappy. I used the excuse that I ‘needed’ it for school so that I could get through successive classes w/o a power adapter. I’m thinking the excuse was a bit overdone, but the laptop is really sweet. and compared to a computer that was really old (sarcasm, it was like 3 years old).. anyway.
All that to say, I’m realizing as I look around me how easy it is for me to get into a rut of enjoying ‘new’ things. Dangerous habit. not recommend.

And I so hate consequences

And running from you is what my best defense is

Consequences

Oh God, don't make me face up to this

And I so hate consequences

And running from you is what my best defense is

Cause I know that I let you down

And I don't want to deal with that

-relient K

No really, a vacation?
No joke. I’m really taking a vacation. for the first time in basically 2 years. I really need to do that more often. I’m starting to lose some sanity. (some of you reading may argue that I have less of it progressively anyway.. haha) I’m really looking forward to turning off my cell phone and just getting away from the business that every week at church produces. seems there are so many things that I do that it just turns into .. blah. I’m not 100% sure where I’m going but as of right now my primary destination seems to be a campsite without cell reception. We’ll see how that works, but its really hard to say. I suppose I’ll post the pictures to facebook.
I’ve taken off so little time that my vacation time at work is almost capping off. Its sad. I even missed important events of family and friends because of having to work. I really need to reconsider how I am spending my time at work, and how I am spending my time off. I suppose I will as life goes on..

Making promises are dangerous
I’m not going to be so rash as to make you a promise that I will update more often. I sure would like to. and 5 months is just plain bad. I never meant it to be that long. Its just that every time I would sit down to write it, I would feel so overwhelmed as to what to say about all of the past months that I didn’t write. There has just been too much over this past month to even mention: camp compass (a.k.a. vbs), Resolved conference, the college ministry’s welcome party, a huge expansion in the tech teams responsibility by producing a weekly video venue, a continued search for worship leader, moving my grandma into a retirement home, my dad still living in china, actually getting my mom to figure out how to use a computer, trying to figure out the seeming paradox between repentance and progressive sanctification, taping my car together with gaffers tape so that it wouldnt fall apart, being more confused by girls than ever, greek, feeling guilty about getting lax on hebrew, realizing i need to continue to find places to preach and practice, wondering about a new ministry for the fall that would focus on evangelism, finding that sleep can be had in excess and that it is not a good thing and often produces headaches and should be avoided, that the best lessons in life are not learned in class, that summer classes that are monday thru friday 8am till noon for two weeks are extremely hard and that waking up for the monday of the second week is possibly the hardest thing, that taking a field trip sometimes means going to america’s largest cemetery, that making people happy can be a double edged sword that can come back to hurt you, that Christ is still the sacrifice for all my sins... and probably a million other little things that have happened over the past 5 months. So possibly you will hear from me sooner?
we will see

-esquared

Midterms, transitions, March and deep thoughts

A month’s worth of thoughts

Perhaps a rather odd feeling reminded me to blog. Perhaps that feeling is the nag of unfinished homework from school. But the feeling that I haven’t written in a month, also comes to mind. Hopefully nobody went crazy over the past month without an update. right? good.
It’s odd to think that its already march. I can’t hardly believe it. Even thinking about where I am right now, makes me amazed. So odd to think about not even a year or two ago. I’m glad that God has me where I am right now. Come to think of it, I probably say something like that every blog I do. Maybe that’s annoying to read. oh well!

It seems there have been some large changes around work too. Good ones, I would say, overall. Not without their moments, but overall positive. I’m glad that I have my church body around me; it has been great to take this past month and begin to intentionally develop deeper relationships with others through lunches, and breakfasts, and the like. I think I have been guilty of overlooking the ability to create more community in the church. I have used the excuse of being ‘new’ for far too long to still not be developing quality friendships with others.

Jack started something big
when he showed his kids the way they ought to live
he said “money good” and “money fine”
but ‘wont stand the test of time
Comon’ kids I’ll show you where it’s at
‘aid follow me I’ll show you where it's at
        Going to the House of the Lord
        I’m goin’ to the House of the Lord
        Going to the House of the Lord
To worship God
To worship God
-west coast revival

“Only what’s done for Christ will last...“

Seems that last month was a bit strange indeed. Suppose, I would say that, because a friend passed away and went to be with her Lord. What a great reminder of why we still have breath. After all, we’re breathing because of grace. God knows, that I should be dead because of the wrongs that I have done. Seriously. And frankly, the same is true for you.
But I found myself this past week staffing the memorial service, in and out of tears. And honestly it was for two reasons. The first was simply the grief of losing someone that I knew for 5+ years. But even more so was the grief of knowing that the room was filled, with tons of non-christians; who at the end of the service walked out ignoring the Gospel. It seems reminiscent of Lk. 17:30-31 where the rich man wants to go back and warn people about God’s wrath, by going back in person. But instead Christ tells him, ”If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced, even if someone raises from the dead.“ What a cutting observation, about the hardness of the heart of those who have heard from God! What a miracle salvation must be, if greater things than in this passage must be done to convince a sinner.
So it was good to celebrate a life that has the same passion to save others, indeed, doing what ”will last“. How odd that only in times like this, God’s grace becomes fresh, alive and clear. What a strange thing salvation is. how oddly it advances, and how oddly it is spread.

only one life,
‘twill soon be past;
only what’s done
for Christ will last.
-piper DWYL

Savior, he can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
he is mighty to save
        Forever author of salvation
        He rose
        and conquered the grave
Jesus, conquered the grave
-Hillsong

Midterms, and paperwork

”Deadlines are closer than they appear“ was aptly observed by someone to remain unnamed. Indeed this must be the case, as in a little less than a week, Greek class is having its first midterm. Perhaps that has spawned on this blog, in an effort to avoid the work associated with studying for the ”A“ (that I’m going to get, don’t worry)..
Aside from Greek class, I’m sorta wondering about Talbot. Now there’s a fun sentence. Hurrah. Well, I’m playing with the idea of transferring. Granted I would have to get accepted to the place that I would like to go, but that’s sorta assumed at this point. I could be crazy but I’m filling out an application to go to TMS (the master’s seminary). I’m not sure another 60 units at Talbot is something I can stomach. So ironically I’m transfering to somewhere where I’ll likely start over at 98 units. But the only upshot is that I’ll likely break even fiscally. And if I can spend the same amount of money, and get a better, more practical education.. well its worth considering. I’m not in a pastoral role right now, and I’m not married, so I still have some time to hike the extra 30-40 miles.
I suppose this all won’t change till at least summer, so they’ll be plenty more dramatic drawn out decisions, spanning blogs upon blogs. I’m anxious to find out if there is really someplace better out there to learn how to teach and disciple others. Seem the direction of talbot isn’t as such, at least from my impression. Hopefully nobody tries to kill me for saying that...

I will go, I will go
I will go, Lord send me
To the world, To the lost
To the poor and hungry
Take everything I am
I'm clay within your hands
I will go, I will go, send me

Let me not be blind with privilege
Give me eyes to see the pain
Let the blessing You've poured out on me
Not be spent on me in vain
Let this life be used for change
-Leeland

Practical time management

I should get back to homework. but first dinner... catch you in the next episode

A Racing Stripe for my Honda Civic

Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated
Perhaps you haven’t noticed, or maybe you did. I can’t tell! Either way I said on December 1st that I would update. And here it is, one of the last days of January and I have still yet to write. Doh!
Between my dad being back for two weeks, crazy Christmas musicals, Christmas Eve services, Finals, and occasional ‘dates’ with my pillow (they were on my iCal sometimes, just so that I would sleep!), it was an insane Christmas of 08’.
I recouped some sanity during January, forgot some greek, and got some sleep. Not bad, but still it did not accomplish any blogging. Not my finest moment, I’ll admit.
I had some fun experiences, with my playdates with death and a 28ft. extension ladder. Mr. Lightbar in the main auditorium was causing me some grief, and to steal a line from steve jobs ‘Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated’. I wonder how dangerous it actually was, and it wasn’t probably as bad as I thought. meh.
Either way, the semester is back and running. I may as well be dead for the next few months as I slip into the chaotic cycle of driving around, working, going to class, doing homework and doing ministry. I figure I’ll use blogging as an excuse to escape the insanity, so perhaps you might see more updates than you’d expect!

Car Racing (at the speed limit)
I’m figuring that for the next 18-20 weeks I can spend anywhere between $600-700 for gas. Driving. Between San Clemente, and Aliso Viejo, from there to La Mirada, and from there possibly crazy.
I’m telling you. I need a racing stripe on my Honda Civic.

Cause I struggle with foward motion
I struggle with foward motion
We all struggle with foward motion
Cause foward motion is harder than it sounds
Well every time I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again
Its harder than it sounds
Well every time I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again
-Relient K


Dear Friend:
Dear Xbox360 it has come to my attention that we cannot continue our relationship as planned. I regret to inform you that my feelings for you remain the same, but my lifestyle has changed, and I’m just not the same person I was during winter break. We had some good times, and we go to hang out and get to know each other. We even got to know a bunch of new people through your ability to ‘Rock’ their world.
I’m sorry that things had to end like this, and that you have to see me like this. I’m afraid that it isn’t you that is the problem in this relationship, but it is me. Please forgive me for all of the wrong things I have done to you, like dropping your mic, and throwing your controller. I know I have caused you pain in the past, and do sincerely apologize.
I know that we will still see each other, but it will have to be differently from now on. Also, please stop texting me to hang out. -eric

Okay so that was a joke, but seriously. I’m going to have to be a bit more judicious about my time now. I feel there is a very large battle for time, and things like Rockband will have to fall to the back seat. :(

Curse Thee Vocabulary!
ohmygoodness. where did all of my greek vocab go over winter break. I’m lucky that I remember all 24 versions of the word ‘the’. I feel like I need to be reviewing my vocab right now. As a matter of fact, that’s what I’m going to go back to after I finish this blog.
By the way, why does memorizing vocab always take so long? uughh!!

School, second semester: thoughts.
Well, I’ve mannaged to get into my second semester (the first week granted). I’m happy to be back. I think there is some hope in this semester being productive. Sometimes I wonder about the classes at Talbot. But that’s a different subject entirely. I’m just very glad to be at my church, and to be able to help serve there. I’m planning that this semester I can grow in service even more.
It’s odd to start seeing people from my undergrad degree around campus. I guess its odd since I feel a sense of familiarity and yet my reason for being there has changed some.
I don’t quite know how to explain the feeling of being a grad student. I think I can’t quite describe it because I’m just commuting, and I don’t spend more than a day there each week.
I can say for sure that going into common grounds, and sitting by the fountain sure feel weird. I’m glad there there is a lounge in talbot, because it is sure nice to be there instead. Perhaps that is because it is winter and everyone that is awake is trying to get coffee, and everyone who has a brain isn’t sitting by the fountain where it is freezing. who knows!
If nothing else, I’m certain that I have some good professors, and a few who are a bit crazy. this should be fun. can’t wait!


Well I must leave it at that, and in vain promise something that I can only hope to deliver on. I’d like to say that I might be blogging again in two weeks. Who knows!
-eric